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Friday, April 27th, 2012

Subject:cant believe i found this thing..
Time:5:04 pm.
It's been awhile since I last posted to this blog. A REALLY LONG TIME actually. Sometimes, I just feel the need to vent or console myself by getting it all out there ya know? Right now I just feel so empty. I have so much to be thankful for, I have been blessed. Still, I feel empty, unhappy almost. FML!! I just got this greart job opportunity..that my current boss wants me to keep hush hush about. Not sure why?? My current relationship isn't always so great, not sure how much longer its going to last. It comes and goes and I'm not sure what to do about it. My greatest fear is making a big mistake that I cannot go back from. Woe is me.
Console Me

Thursday, December 14th, 2006

Subject:Coming undone..
Time:2:08 am.
Mood: pissed off.
I'm so tired of pity shit. Childish habits that I wish some people would grow from. So this old "friend" of mine has this absurd idea that I have or had a crush on him. I blew it off at first, because it's just plain silly, but he keeps insisting over and over that I did. First of all, I met him through a mutual friend. He was going through heartache, and we went to see him and me being the person I am try to help the fucktard through his probs. He wasn't a fucktard when I met him. He was a friend of a friend who needed companionship. I was willing to accept him as a friend, even though he was overly obnoxious. He would call me as if we were dating or something and make up these lame excuses not to end our conversations. I would be blamed for everything going wrong in this kid's life. He made me feel like shit alot, but I guess I'm just too nice sometimes.

So I finally got out of that situation by giving him the cold shoulder and getting a new number. Everything was peachy. I never once had a crush on him or even looked at him in any way, but a friendly way. Why the hell can't you be anyone's friend now and days without them thinking you like them. I really think this guy has problems. I beieve he lies so much, that his lies are the truth to him. Well over the years, he coincedentally ran into friends of mine, which is fine, alongs as I don't have to deal with him. He even started working working in my place of occupation. He was kewl at first, then he started harassing me during breaks and lunches. I had alot of witnesses and I could of had his ass fired. I guess he still believed that I had a crush on him. Ewww..I cringer at the thought. He's the one that would call me up CONSTANTLY and want me to come over to his house or come pick him up. I never once volunteered to go over there.

Well then he tried to get with a very good friend of mine. Alot of drama there, it ended with me telling him to back the fuck off. He responded with some stupid line like, "Why? Do you want me or something?" I told him that NO and that I once wanted his friendship, but not anymore. More pointless drama. I don't feel like getting into the inbetweens drama. Well now he's bringing it up ONCE AGAIN. I wish he would get it through his frickin' head that I DO NOT WANT HIM, NOR WILL I EVER. I don't even want his friendship anymore. He is a very messed up individual who should seek immediate counseling ASAP. Literally.

Sorry just thought I would get that off my chest. So last night Sara, Tamra, Jon, and Cali came over when I got off work to hang out and drink it up. Good times as always. Went to Krogers to pickup some water and say hi to Andy. Sara drove, she's a great DD. Hope no one is stressing out with their finals. Alot of my homies are taking them. Work has been still mysterious peaceful. Tiffany, Natalie and I went to Rio Grande for lunch today. It's been an every Wednesday thing for Tiff and me to do. Natalie came by and escorted us over there since she was off work. Good times. I grave the beef nachos from there on regular basics now. Pay day tomorrow. A very busy day. Gonna do my regular thing with Andy tomorrow morning. Tomorrow afternoon gonna go shopping with Sara, Tamara, and Jeremy. Probably when Jeremy gets out of school. Might hit up the Bar Thursday night. Haven't made any official plans too because I gotta pull an 8am-5pm Friday at work. UGH!
Console Me

Thursday, December 7th, 2006

Subject:Welcome to the Black Parade
Time:10:43 pm.
Mood: lonely.

Thought I would bless you guys with a new entry, it's been awhile since I had a worthwhile entry. I wrote a couple of entries that never made it to the final drawing board. I ended up writing them and reading over them and thought I'd save you guys the stress. Yeah I do feel like I wrote them for nothing, but it was good at the time to let all of the things going on in my head out even if no one read them. Not even sure if this will make it. We'll see.

So lately, life has been content. It's been way better than it was a few months ago. I can't say I'm completely over the whole ordeal, but's better. I'm better and ready to move on. I am starting to miss things the more and more though. I miss having someone to hold me. I miss having someone to hold. I miss having someone to love...I miss having someone to love me. I've never been the type of person to care if I was single or not, but I guess after being with someone for 2 years, you get addicted and used to have that comfort and that closeness.

I know this is a big step, but I feel it's something I need to do. I could be missing out on something big because I'm too busy being afraid of the outcome of the next relationship I may be. Apart of me wants to continue being selfish and deny myself the opportunity of meeting someone special. I don't even know where to begin. I wasn't and never really looked to meet guys. I always told myself they will find me, but I've never felt so lonely in this department and I'm not the kinna guy to just go out to a bar or club and find someone. So I'm not sure when or how I will accomplish this. I just wish it was easier. A year ago I didn't think I would ever be in this situation, but here I am. I am lonely. I have my friends, but in most cases, that should be enough, but there's just that emptyness that they cannot forfill. Don't get me wrong, I love them all dearly and they mean the world to me.

Oh well, moving on..

So work has been frightenly calm as of lately. Hello!! It's Christmas and customers are usually selfish retards who only care about themselves, but I haven't had one bad encounter with a customer yet. Which is odd. I'm not complaining or anything, but I'm just waiting on someone to come along and ruin it all. Of course it will happen so that I've talked openly about it. Oh well.

Some things I've did this week..

I ran into Alisha and Dewy at Wal-Mart Sunday night..or was it Monday?? Well anyways, they were having Will a surprised birthday dinner at O'Charley's and invited me to come over when I got off work. Tiffany and Will's little brother was also there. It was very nice. I haven't hung out with Will in forever and that was the perfect opportunity, for his birthday.

Andy and David came in Wal-Mart Monday, got to spend time with them on my lunch hour. David just moved back from Somerset. Him and his chick just broke up, which hits close to home. I know exactly how he feels.

Had lunch with Tiffany Wednesday..yummy Rio Grande. I'm so addicted to that place now. Tierra and I did some piliates and taebo Wednesday night. Not successfully however, but we did end up going walking out in the freezing cold at midnight and racing across the intersection. She won the first time, but I got her back the second time. Good long conversations there. We then came back here, ate and watched a movie before going to bed.

I woke up Thursday morning (this morning actually) and it was snowing like mad. So I wake Tierra up to inform her of it, she gets up in a frenzy to check it out, she heads home. I call Andy to tell him it was snowing. He comes by to pick me up..we head to his place. Him, David, and I go out to pick up Andy's check, pay some bills, and go shopping. We had lunch, I ate way too much, but I felt I hadn't ate in forever. I had a sammich last night, that's about it. They dropped me off, I go to bed after a few texting back and forth between Andy and I.

Tonight's agenda:

Jess is coming in tonight. Sara, John, and Jess are coming over to my apartment. Maybe Jess's bf, not sure if he's coming. Maybe one or two more. Gonna hang out.

Tomorrow's agenda:

Going shopping with Andy, Rebecca, and David (maybe) to Lexington. I have no money, but it never hurts to look.

Console Me

Friday, November 24th, 2006

Time:4:19 am.
Mood: discontent.
I'm not big on family events. I feel obligated to make a cameo at them unfortunately. I always feel like I don't fit in and don't make myself socially available at them. Pretty much I go so no one will give me a hard time for not attending. What would they be missing if I didn't? I don't even remember if I went last year or not, I don't believe I did. I had to work. Andy and I had a small dinner of our own.  Then we put up his tree and Christmas decorations. The holidays will never be the same. At least not the first year. Sure things get better and I will experience new memories. It's just hard when you have no one special to spend them with.
Console Me

Wednesday, November 15th, 2006

Subject:Things going on in my head..read with caution!
Time:3:19 am.
Mood: melancholy.
Worry..why must I let myself worry? I'm so sick of myself sometimes. I worry for no reason at all sometimes. Sometimes I don't worry about things I really should be worried about. Sometimes I take my job for granted, which I really shouldn't, because I would be up the creek without a paddle and have nothing if I didn't have it. I should worry about that, but ya know, I don't. Ugh. There are people I worry about that probably don't even think twice about me or waste time worrying about me. I bet there are people I SHOULD be worried about that I don't think twice about either. There are people I "should" worry about, that I just don't. No particular reason. Does that make me selfish?

Another annoying thing I have going on is my indecisiveness. I can't make decisions!!! Even when it's as simple as someone asking "Where do you wanna go eat at?" I'm dumbfounded and say "I dunno, where do you wanna go eat at?" I can maybe answer after setting there and thinking about it for a good while, but that's not gonna always work when you're on a schedule.

Sometimes I wanna be far away from here, somewhere I could just start over, then I think about what I would be leaving behind. Think about how things would be without me being here in Frankfort, or here in Kentucky for that matter. Would I be missed? Would things be better for me, or worse, or just about the same? Would anyone notice..or care? Blah, sorry to bore you with my MIND. Just alot going on in my head right now, I'm scatterbrained. Things going on in my head..read with caution!
5 Consolements - Console Me

Sunday, October 22nd, 2006

Subject:And everything starts to fall apart...
Time:4:39 am.
Mood: depressed.
I'm not sure how much longer I will have to pretend to be happy again? There's only so much pretending I can do. There's only so much pretending anyone can do. You know I actually thought that if I pretended everything was okay, that it would eventually be okay. Hasn't worked out that way. I just keep finding myself in the gutter again. I really hate burdening anyone with my problems, especially when there's this certain one you just can't seem to get rid of. I just don't know what keeps me holding on..could it be from above..a higher power telling me not to let go? Something is just always holding me back. All I know is that I know where my heart is..sappy as it sounds..I have found my weakness and I'm not afraid to admit it. I'm not that tough guy I used to be, not sure if I ever will be.
1 Consolement - Console Me

Subject:White Flag
Time:4:17 am.
Mood: lonely.
"White Flag"

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Console Me

Subject:106 Random Questions
Time:4:01 am.
Mood: sad.

106 Questions Some People Wouldn't Think To Ask!

001. When's the last time you ran?
Oh man! Couldn't even tell ya.

002. Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them?
Oh yea!

003. What are you dreading right now?
Work tomorrow afternoon. Ick.

004. Do you celebrate 4/20?
No I don't do drugs.

006. What face cleanser do you use?
Face cleanser?? Umm I don't use anything special.

007. When was your last doctor's visit?
Oh man...it's been way too long.

009. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
Up to 40 minutes tops.

010. Is "First Loves Are Never Over" true for you?
I've been over my first love forever in a day.

011. Think of all your exes. Would you take any of them back?
I would take Andy back. He still has my heart.

012. If anyone came to your house on your "lazy days" what would you be wearing?

013. Does your school have tornado drills?
What school?

014. Have you ever been on your school's track team?
Hell no.

015. Do you own a pair of Converse?
Several pairs actually, haven't wore any of them in awhile.

016. Who did you cut and paste this survey from?

017. Do you eat raw cookie dough?
I have in the past, probably wouldn't now..avoiding sweets.

018. Have you ever kicked a vending machine?
Every other day at work.

019. Don't you hate when the radio ruins good songs by overplaying them?

020. Would you rather them play the whole video or just a clip of it on TRL?
Whole videos are nice.

021. Do you watch Trading Spaces?
I may if I run across it.

022. How do you eat oreos?
Dunk them in milk.

023. Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone to sign in?

024. Are you sexy?
Some say I am, but I sure don't feel like it.

025. Shortest relationship?
Don't remember.

026. Longest?
2 years

030. Could you live without a computer?
Probably not.

031. Do you wear your shoes in the house?

032. When you watch movies at home, do you turn the lights off?
If it's a scary movie.

033. At what age did you find out that santa wasn't real?
Probably around 4.

034. How many phones (house and cell phones) are in your house?
I have one cell phone.

035. What do you do when you're sad?
Listen to music, cry, watch a movie, cry. Been doing awhole lot of it lately.

036. Who would you call first if you won the lottery?
My mom, sister, or Andy.

037. When's the last time you saw your best friend?
Well I have a few people out there I'd consider best friends. I last seen Elizabeth at Rachel's party tonight. I last saw Katie at work Thursday. I last saw Andy in Krogers about a month ago. I last saw Angela at the Gay Pride Fest back in June.

038. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
That I wasn't so heavyhearted.

039. Last movie you rented?
I don't rent movies usually, but the last one I bought was "Crybaby" and "Serpent And The Rainbow."

040. Who/What sleeps with you every night?
Billy Bass.

041. How many times have you been pulled over?
Just once.

042. Pancakes or Frenchtoast?

043. How do you like your eggs?
Sunny side up and/or scrambled.

044. Are you in highschool?

045. Is anyone on your bad side right now?
Not really.

046. What jewelry are you wearing?
My labret and stud bracelet.

047. What's the first thing you do when you get online?
Check my e-mail.

048. Do you own any TV seasons on DVD?
Fharmed. Robot Chicken. Super Mario Bros. Zelda. Unsolved Mysteries. Simple Life. Drawn Together.

049. Do you watch Grey's Anatomy?

050. How do most people missspell your name?
Micheal, Mickey.

051. Do you wear your boy/girlfriend's clothes?
I have before.

052. Do you watch pro sports team on tv?
No way.

053. What do you do before you sleep every night?
Turn on some tunes.

054. What was the first movie that gave you nightmares?
The Shining..those two little girls are some scary shit.

055. Who do you miss the most right now?

056. Favorite 80's teen movie?
Halloween, Friday The 13th

057. Is Justin Timberlake becoming the next Michael Jackson or Elton John?
I'm confused.

058. do you know anyone who wasnt born in the US?

059. Favorite name for a boy?

060. Will you keep your last name when you get married?
Fuck yeah!

061. Your favorite restaurant you dont get to eat at much?

062. When is the last time you left your house?
Well, let's see..today I went to Elizabeth's house..then to Rachel's..

063. Do you buy your own school supplies?
I don't need supplies..

064. Do you have your school supplies?

065. Have you ever cursed at a teacher?
I don't think so.

066. How do you eat your steak?
with A1 sauce.

067. Who is your favorite rapper?
I don't really have one. Can't spell crap without rap.

068. How do you get to school?
::cries:: i can't find my school

069. If you heard your phone ringing right now, who do you expect it to be?

070. What noise do you hear?
The TV.

071. Would you survive in prison?
Hopefully I won't ever have to find out.

72. Next concert you hope to go to?
Panic! At The Disco, My Chemical Romance, Orgy, or Evanescence.

073. What was the last thing you ate?

074. When was the last time you said I love you, and meant it?
To Andy a few days ago.

075. Who is the youngest in your family?
I'm the baby!

076. If all of your friends were going on a road trip, who would
over pack?
I dunno.

077. Do you know anyone with the same name as you?

078. How many syllables are in your name?

079. What does your license plate say?

080. When is the last time you ate peanut butter?
Umm about a month ago.

081. What brand is your cell phone?:
Sony Ericson.

082. What's for dinner?
Umm ate pizza earlier..may eat again before going to bed.

083. What's the last thing you purchased?
A drink from the Bar last night.

084. Do your siblings ever pay for stuff for you?
My sister and I buy lunch for each other sometimes.

085. Where is your cell phone?
On my bed.

086. Is your cell on ring or vibrate

087. What brand is your shirt right now
Morbid Threads.

088. Ever been to Georgia?

089. Did you have breakfast this morning?
I rarely do.

090. Do you like marshmallows?
In hot chocolate.

091. What irritates you on the internet?
Pop-ups..spam mail...damn porn bots trying to add me on myspace.

092. What brand is your digital camera?
well i have andy's old one..it's a Hewlett Packard. LCD screen is broken on it.

093. Do you watch movies with your parents?
Not here lately.

094. Do you wear short shorts?
All the time.

095. Do you think you could be pregnant?

096. What song describes your love life at the moment?
There are alot..currently James Blunt: Goodbye my Lover

097. Do you own expensive perfume/cologne?

098. On average, how much do your jeans cost?
I don't own alot of jeans..but my tripp pants are around $55.

099. Are you taking college classes?

100. Do your parents know you cuss?
Duh...they curse too.

101. Do they care?
I don't make a habit of going around cussing in the first place. I think I type it out more than I say it out loud.

102. have you seen harold and kumar go to white castle?

103. Have you ever been to WhiteCastle?
Oh, yeah.

104. Would you rather sleep alone or with someone?
only one person

105. Do you like the Phillies?
probably not.

106. If you could have one wish right now, what would it be?
For life to be less complicated and to be happy again.

Console Me

Tuesday, October 10th, 2006

Subject:I go crazy..
Time:12:10 pm.
Mood: sleepy.
I have way too much time on my hands. I seem to be typing up a new blog/entry everytime I fart! Had to go to a damn meeting at work at 8am..which means I got maybe 3-4 hours of sleep at the most since I stay up late. It lasted for about 2 hours. Had alot to cover and alot of bitching to do. I was fortunate enough to run into Katie on my way out and we had lunch at Big Boy's. So that was nice since we never get to do much together anymore.<3 Gonna try to grab a couple hours of sleep before heading back to hell.
1 Consolement - Console Me

Subject:Goodbye My Lover
Time:2:15 am.
Mood: sad.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Goodbye My Lover
Current mood: sad

This song hits close to home, it's absolutely gorgeous and I can relate to it big time at the moment.

James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

Currently listening :
Goodbye My Lover, Pt. 1
By James Blunt
Release date: By 20 December, 2005

Console Me

Subject:Woe is me..
Time:1:33 am.

Ugh. I'm not sure I've ever been so depressed in my whole 23 years of life. I've been depressed before, and this just seems to be topping it all. Sometimes I think it's getting better, and other times, I'm all depressed and miserable. I find it I keep myself occupied, it helps take my mind off things, but it's impossible to just stay busy constantly. Today was a bad day..alot of things lead up to it though. I got little to no sleep, I go into work and get hit up before I even make it up front..then as soon as I do I have someone else in my face telling me someone needs this. I just wish I could pause everything and take a breather sometimes. Plus, someone was just joking and I took it seriously, and I knew they were just joking, but I wasn't in the mood for jokes today.

In between my mood swings recently have been things that made me smile. Andy telling me he missed me. That totally turned my day from a groggy sad day, into a good mood, happy go-lucky. I'm not sure whether or not "missing" someone is a good thing or a bad thing, but hearing it from someone you love so much, means the world. Him doing something he's been wanting to do for awhile now also made me happy. I miss him so much...so much it hurts. I can't tell ya how often I have dreams with him in it, where we are together again. It's been an almost everynight thing and they seem sooo real. It takes me a few minutes to wake up and realize it was just a dream..=(.

Ok, so I'm supposed to be talking about happy things. Rachel, Elizabeth, and I went to The Bar Complex. It was a blast! They woke me up banging on my door around 5pm with Rebekah..lol. They didn't wake me up by knocking at the door, but they called my cell and woke me up. After hanging out for a little while they left and I took a shower. I then went to pick up Elizabeth and we grabbed some grub before heading back to my place to meet Rachel. I mixed some sour apple tini's and we were off to Lexington. We got there around 9:30pm and got back around 3am. We danced, we drinked, and played pool. I never played pool before. Never knew how, and no one ever volunteered to teach me. It wasn't hard at all. I got drunk off some L.I.T.'s and watched some shows.

Friday night I went over to watch movies with Elizabeth. I took over "Final Destination 3," and got to the last 30 minutes of it and it wouldn't play, it just kept freezing up, so I convince Elizabeth to go out and exchange it for another one. Frankfort's Wal-Mart didn't have one, so we had to go all the way to Lawrenceburg. Fun times!  I have aquire so many damn DVD's the past month, it's insane. I'm such a DVD slut. I have watched most of them alone though. I watch them when I get off work to help keep my mind off other things. It works sometimes, until I start analyzing the movie and comparing it to my life. Woe is me. I think that's all for now. Blessid be!

Console Me

Tuesday, October 3rd, 2006

Subject:I just want you to know..
Time:5:07 am.
Mood: depressed.
Lookin' at your picture from when we first met
You gave me a smile that I could never forget
And nothing I could do
Could protect me from you that night
Wrapped around your finger, always on my mind
The days would blend 'cause we stayed up all night
Yeah, you and I were, everything, everything to me

I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through
And then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
That there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say
I would do it all again
Just want you to know

All the doors are closing, I'm trying to move ahead
And deep inside I wish it's me instead
My dreams are empty from the day,
The day you slipped away

And I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go (oh)
Some days I make it through
And then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
That theres a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say (yeah)
I would do it all again
Just want you to know

That since I lost you
I lost myself (ohhh)
No I can't fake it
There's no one else

So I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through
And then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
That there's a day you'll come back to me (back to me)
But still I have to say (I have to say)
I would do it all again (do it all again)

I just want you to know (cuz I've been fighting)
That I've been fighting to let you go (ohh)
Some days I make it through (and then there's)
And then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe (yeah)
That there's a day you'll come back to me (but still)
But still I have to say (I have to say)
I would do it all again
Just want you to know
Console Me

Subject:When you care, I'll be there...
Time:4:23 am.
Mood: listless.

Bored to death as always, nothing unusual for a Monday night..well now early Tuesday morning. Work is crappy as always, they can't leave well enough alone. I do believe that Home Office sets in their ass thinking of things to do, and things to change. How the fuck do they know what will work if they don't get off their asses and do what we do? That's what I feel like telling the managers at our store sometimes. We are supposed to have a meeting to discuss the changes and new procedures, I will voice my opinion. Fuck this shit.

Anyhow. My weekend was pretty eventful you might say. First time I went out in a couple of weeks. I had to force myself to get up and go, but it worked. Friday night I go to Rachel's house and meet up with Elizabeth, Tasha (Ebeth's roomy), Rebekah and Rachel. We go to Waffle House to hang out and eat some grub, then we head to Ebeth's place to hang for awhile. Saturday I hit up Sara's party in Lawrenceburg. I got fuckin' lost and it was foggy as hell. I called Katie and she didn't know where I was, so I told her I would call her back when I found a gas station or church. I got to a gas station and get a call from Jon. I was right down the street from where I was supposed to be. It was a rad party. I never partied with Sara, Tam, and Jess before. I got drunk off my ass. Had the usual sour apple martini's. My fuckin' blender stopped working..I threw the fucker away. It's been through hell and back. It's been put to good use over the years. Good excuse to buy another one. I made Sara a drink that knocked her off her ass. It was fine, family, fun. Met some new awesome people. Ryan flew the coop early, but it was still all good fun. I left around..3-4am? I went to Georgetown to see my homie Alyxx. We talked and hung out for alittle while, then I had to head back to fuckin' Lawrenceburg to Jon's house to get my trench jacket I left there. I made Elizabeth and Tasha go back with me. They are good sports<3.We then head to Elizabeth's house where her mom was gracious enough to feed a hungry fat kid in need. All was well, I headed home, went to bed, and woke up without a hangover. Yay!

It was so weird not being out with Andy. We did everything together, and it sorta felt wrong to be there without him. We had so much fun together, doing anything, and everything, it was always fun no matter what. I did have fun though. I love Sara, Tam, Jess, Jon, Chubby Buddy..and my new friend Millie. We had indepth conversation..which is anything when I am intoxicated. There was a pretty kewl dude name Matt too. I remember him because he looked like my friend from high school Joey. Sara wanted to know what everyone remembered...let's see. This kid named Larry puking in the skateboard room. Me trying to water the toilet...and telling Jon there was someone in the bathroom fucking...and it was just Jess and Tamara. Tamara taking care of Jess and washing her air for no good reason during the middle of it. Being locked out of the house momentarily after having a posse go out to my car to get stuff. Being dissed for liking My Chemical Romance. Tam comforting me after it happened. Jess smoking to avoid upchucking (or so she said). Chinese, Japenese, Look At These!!! Why do we work at Walmart? For the discount and we look good in vests. John S and his daisy dukes. Millie and her 5 names. Me passing the phone around and letting Elizabeth talk to people on the phone.  Me going back for my jacket and they think I'm the police. Good times, good times. Thanks for having me Sara.

So I learn Sunday that Katie and Paula are moving into a townhouse on the west side of town. I can't wait to see their new place, it sounds gorgeous. Trying to talk her into having  get together sometime after they get settled in.

So I ask myself. How do I feel? I feel incomplete. I can go out and fun, but at the end of the night, I'm alone. It sucks. It hurts. Just wish there was an easier way of getting over this heartache. I was about to call him when I was drunk Saturday night, but I didn't. I held back. It's hard not being able to just pick up the damn phone and call him or text him. What the hell do you do with two years of your happiest times in your life. How can you recover and be over it. How can you let go? Is there any letting go? Time will tell. I've been giving many suggestions..we'll see. Apart of me still wants to wait around for him to see if he'll come back around. That's all for now. Cheerio!when you care, then I will be therewhen you care, then I will be there

Console Me

Thursday, September 28th, 2006

Subject:I Wonder...
Time:6:36 am.
Mood: cold.
I wonder if he's happy now.

I wonder if I will ever happy again.

I wonder if I will ever be able to give anyone else my all.

I wonder if his life is so much better now that I'm not in it.

I wonder if I will ever get over this.

I wonder if he ever thinks of me.

I wonder if we will ever reunite.

I wonder if he is scared.

I wonder if he misses me.

I wonder if he feels the same.

I wonder if he still cares.

I wonder if he loves me.

I wonder if I even exist to him anymore.

I wonder if I'm cursed.

I wonder if I did something terrible.

I wonder if there is something I didn't do.

I wonder if there is something I didn't say.

I wonder if why I can't move on.

I wonder if people think me weak.

I wonder if his life is so much better now.

I wonder how he is doing.

I wonder how much longer will this go on.

I wonder what I could do.

I wonder why I'm so plagued.

I wonder why I feel like a bad person.

I wonder why I feel like he hates me.

I wonder why it's rains on me.

I wonder why I am the way I am.

I wonder why I can't just forget the past.

I wonder why I'm starting to feel angry.

I wonder why the slightest thing makes me think of him.

I wonder why I'm stuck here.

I wonder why I'm always dreaming about him.

I wonder if he ever dreams of me.

I wonder if we will ever reconcile.

I wonder if he has regrets.

I wonder if he talks of me.

I wonder what's on his mind.

I wonder why I want to talk to him so bad.

I wonder why I try so hard.

I wonder why I'm so stupid.

I wonder why I'm so foolish.

I wonder why me.
Console Me

Wednesday, September 27th, 2006

Subject:W.H.O. W.A.S T.H.E L A S T . P E R S O N . T H A T?
Time:1:35 am.
Mood: depressed.
Who Was The Last Person That......

1. you saw ?

2. Rode in a car with?
My mom.

3. Went to the movies with?
Goth it's been so long. Most likely Andy.

4. You went to the mall with?
My mom.

6. You talked on the phone to?

7. You kissed?

8. Made you laugh?

W O U L D . Y O U . R A T H E R?

1. Pierce your nose or tongue?:

2. Be serious or be funny?
Either one.

3. Drink whole or skim milk?:

4. Die in a fire or drown?:
Neither. How morbid.

5. Spend time with your parents or enemies?

A N S W E R . T R U T H F U L L Y.

1. Do you like anyone?

D O . Y O U . P R E F E R.

1. Sun or moon?:

2. Winter or Fall?

3. Left or right?

4. 10 acquaintances or two best friends?:
2 Best Friends.

5. Sunny or rainy?

6. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream?:

A B O U T . Y O U.

1. What time is it?:

2. First Name?

3. What do you want to do?
Go see someone who doesn't wanna see me.

4. Where do you wanna live?
A big townhouse.

5. How many kids do you want?:
LOL! Tell me another...

8. Are you double jointed?
Not that I know of.

10. Can you cross your eyes?

11. Do you make your bed daily?
Hell no.

R A N D O M.

1. Which shoe goes on first?:
Does it really matter?

3. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
Twirl is. Cutting takes up so much time.

2. Have you ever eaten Spam?:

3. Favorite ice cream?:

4. How many kinds of cereal are in your cabinet?

6. Current mood?


1. Bought something:

2. Sang?

3. Been Hugged

4. Felt stupid:
All the time.

5. Missed someone:
Like crazy.

6. Danced Crazy:
7. Gotten your hair cut?

8. Cried:

9. Lied:

10. been kissed:

. S T U F F .

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?

3. When's the last time you've been sledding?
A few years ago.

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?

5. Do you believe in ghosts?

6. Do you consider yourself creative?
Not lately.

Repost this as " W.H.O. W.A.S T.H.E L A S T . P E R S O N . T H A T?
Console Me

Subject:The 11 deep layers of the ~!~Mikey~!~
Time:1:32 am.
Mood: depressed.
Date:Sep 27, 2006 12:58 AM

Name: Mikey.

Birthday: April 14, 1983.

Current Location: Frankfort, Ky.

Eye Color: Blue.

Hair Color: Blonde.

Righty or Lefty: Righty.

Zodiac Sign: Aries.


Your fears: Dying alone.

Your perfect pizza: Pepperoni, Sausage, and Extra Cheese!

Goal for future: To be happy.


Your thoughts first waking up: "Man! I've got to water the toilet."

Your best physical feature: Ugh. Nothing.

Your bedtime: Between 4am-7am.

Your most missed memory: Andy.


Pepsi or Coke: Mountain Dew.

McDld's or Burger King: McDonald's.

Single or group dates: Both are fine with me.

Adidas or Nike: Converse Chuck Taylors, Anarchics.

Lipton Tea or Nestea: Lipton.

Chocolate or vanilla: Both.

Cappuccino or coffee: French Vanilla Cappuccino..mmm.


Smoke: No.

Take a shower: Occasionally.;)

Think you've been in love: I know I have been.

Believe in yourself: Not here recently.


Drank alcohol: No.

Gone to the mall: Yes.

Been on stage: No.

Eaten Sushi: No.

Been dumped: Yes.:*(

Gone skating: No.

Dyed your hair: No.


Played a stripping game: Yes.

Gotten beaten up: No.

Changed who you were to fit in: Yes.


Age you're hoping to get married: LOL! It's illegal.


Best eye color: Don't care.

Best hair color: Don't care.

Clothing style: Don't care.


1 MINUTE AGO: My apartment.

1 HOUR AGO: Work.

1 DAY AGO: My apartment.

1 YEAR AGO: Umm..hell if I know.


I LOVE: I feel loveless lately.

I FEEL: depressed.

I HATE: work.

I HIDE: from the outside world.

I MISS: Andy.

I NEED: Go find some grub and watch a movie.

I WANT: to be happy again.

Repost as 11 layers of "your name"
Console Me

Sunday, September 24th, 2006

Subject:What hurts the most..
Time:5:31 am.
Mood: discontent.
(Hell, I don't know what would drive me more crazy..turning the radio off..or leaving it on?)

Rascal Flatts: What Hurts The Most

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do
2 Consolements - Console Me

Saturday, September 23rd, 2006

Subject:The beat goes on..
Time:10:54 am.
Mood: productive.

Good morning! Even though I think I'm gonna take a nap before work. Just thought I write a short entry to let those of you I don't talk to often know that I'm alive. Last week was a long hard week, and this one probably won't be any better. I did go shopping though. Got me a trench jacket, green bondage pants, khaki bondage pants. Shopping makes me happy, when I have money to spare. Good thing I had labor day pay. Got a shit load of DVD's too. I got season one of "Robot Chicken,""Return To Oz,""Shock Treatment,"Child's Play,"Chucky Collection," and "I Know What You Did Last Summer Trigoly" pack. I'm a DVD slut, sue me. I need something to do to keep me occupied. Hell, I haven't been in the mood to leave my apartment or see anyone. Might as well escape into something. I go back to work today, great! My stomach hurts...I woke up around 7:30am this morning. Fell asleep as around 8pm. Slept a long time, the longest I slept in awhile without sleeping pills. I was way behind. I woke up, cleaned my apartment and download some music. Yesterday was my dad's birthday, I was so caught up with stuff that I let it slip. Yesterday morning I went to my parents to do laundry. I fell asleep and my mom woke me up and said she wanted to go to Lexington, so I went with, we went to Target, Fayette Mall, and Meijers. Thursday I went to pick up my check, went to get my oil changed, headed to Lexington to Best Buy. I went alone unfortunately, usually Andy would have came with me. Thursday was our days to get this kinna stuff done together. I gotta get stuff done with or without him...it's sad and depressing though. I will gradually get over him. Time will heal the pain (hopefully). If only I could get him off my mind. Well think I'm gonna go lay down and see if I can't drift back off to sleep before work. Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. I'm sorry for not contacting you any yesterday Rebekah...I left my cell at my mom's.:(

Console Me

Friday, September 22nd, 2006

Subject:Crazy?...or just plain foolish?
Time:3:04 am.
Mood: optimistic.

I don't know what to think anymore..I'm sure alot of people are criticizing me. Every damn song I hear on the radio makes me think of him. This is the most recent one.

Natalie: Goin' Crazy

Ever since the day you went away and left me lonely and cold
My life just hasn't been the same ohh baby, nooo
When I looked into your eyes the moment that I let you go
I just broke down (down)

Baby if I ever get the chance to be with you again I would sacrifice
Cuz the feeling that I feel within
No other man would ever make me feel so right
Its nice to smile when I get your phone call at night
But I'd rather have you here with me, right next to me
I miss the way you hold me tight

I gotta let you know I feel so weak without your touch
I never thought that I could ever love a man so much
I gotta let you know I think that we are destiny
For you I'd cross the world, for you I'd do anything

[Chorus 2x]
Thats right baby I'm going crazy
I need to be your baby
I've been thinking lately
That you and me, yes we can make it
Just ride with me, roll with me I'm in love with you baby

Break it down now I'll tell you what I feel
From the moment that I met you its been so damn real
My heart seems to skip another beat
Every time we speak, I can't believe I feel so weak
Tell me that you really need me and you want me and you miss me
And you love me I'm your baby

I'll be around waiting for you I'll put it down be the man for you

I'm falling so deep for you crazy over for you
I`m calling, calling out to you what am I going to do?
It's true, no fronting
Its you and no other i can no longer go on without you
I'll just break down (down)

I gotta let you know I feel so weak without your touch
I never thought that I could ever love a man so much
I gotta let you know I think that we are destiny
For you I'd cross the world, for you I'd do anything

[Chorus 2x]
Thats right baby I'm going crazy
I need to be your baby
I've been thinking lately
That you and me, yes we can make it
Just ride with me, roll with me I'm in love with you baby

Ohhh, ohhh....
Crazy... baby..... lately....
Ohhh ohhh.....
Ohh ohhh ohhhhhh

Console Me

Wednesday, September 20th, 2006

Subject:My Immortal
Time:1:10 am.
Mood: sad.
(Sorry for the constant depressed sappyness, but I can relate to this song more than ever now.)

Evanescence: My Immortal (Piano-Vocal Version)

I’m so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
I would give the very breath from my chest
To give you all the things that my mind couldn't bear
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I’d fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have...all of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I’m bound by the life you left behind
Your face, it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice, it's chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I’d fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I love to walk away and pull myself out of the rain
But I can't leave without you
I love to live without the constant fear and endless doubt
But I can't live without you

When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I’d fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have...all of me
All of me
All of me
3 Consolements - Console Me

LiveJournal for Mikey.

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